Motherhood?

What does this mean? What shape does it take? What are our ideas of it before we attain it? How does it change once we have? Are you only a mother to living children? These are some of the questions I ask of myself, quite a lot! Some I have found answers to, others are…

Remembering Luna: A funeral for a baby

After last week's article, I really wanted to look at my memories of Luna more closely. I have already written about what happened to her in the article titled T.O.P┬ábut I wanted to write about her funeral. The anniversary for this is approaching and it's been on my mind a lot lately. All that we…

When dad died

A friend of mine sent me a link to Cariad Lloyd's podcast, Griefcast, the other week. I would highly recommend it to anyone who is either a part of this weird club (Cariad's words, not mine!) or is possibly supporting someone who is in the club. I've put a link at the end of this…

Wisdom of Mum – Part 2

I was browsing my mum's blog again and found this entry, it feels very apt at the moment. I also had a dream last night about a necklace of hers, I put it on as soon as I got out of bed this morning. I suppose I'm feeling her presence more closely at the moment…

But…why?

I don't know...because biology is a bastard and nature doesn't care about my feelings? That's what I have felt like saying after I have had to explain to people that I have had yet another miscarriage, or told them about how many I've had. There's an assumption that there must be a problem, something wrong…

At the pool

Watching you jump and splash So happy! So joyous and full of life. Diving and twisting and leaping Like a dolphin. Racing with daddy, who will get there first? Benjamin! Daddy's a good sport.

T.O.P

That's what I saw typed on my notes as I was sat across from the Registrar. She was talking to me about my latest missed miscarriage, what my options were, what they could do for me, etc... T.O.P. It took me a moment to figure out what this meant, and then I realised: Termination of…

To Luna

I wonder what you would be doing right now. If you had been healthy and been able to make it to full term, you would be about 18 months old now. Would you have been like your big brother, late to get up and walk, or would you have been keen to keep up with…

These shoes

One of the things I'm trying to do more of is move my body about a bit. Not because I have weight to lose or some particular fitness goal in mind, but because I want to make full use of it, while I've got it.Last year (nearly a year ago), my back gave out and…

Conversation with Benjamin

Ben: "Who is my Granny?" Me: "Granny Jaynie, my mummy and Granny-" Ben: "Daddy's mummy." Me: "That's right." Ben: "So we need to put you and me on a list with Granny Jaynie and give it to her. That would be nice for her." Me: "Yes, because we all belong together?" Ben: "Yes. Where is…