What’s ‘normal’?

When it comes to miscarriage and baby loss, 'normal' takes on some very different forms and unexpected turns. I was taking a look at old photo’s the other day and I came across the ones taken nearly three years ago while we were in Canada for my brother’s wedding. There’s some lovely photo’s and I…

A conversation of death with a 5 year old

For a five year old, Benjamin is pretty clued up about death and grief. Just over two years ago, his baby sister, Luna, died. Since that moment - actually, even before we knew she was definitely going to die, he was a part of the story. Both of my parents have died, Dad when I…

Conversation with Benjamin

Ben: "Who is my Granny?" Me: "Granny Jaynie, my mummy and Granny-" Ben: "Daddy's mummy." Me: "That's right." Ben: "So we need to put you and me on a list with Granny Jaynie and give it to her. That would be nice for her." Me: "Yes, because we all belong together?" Ben: "Yes. Where is…

What’s important

All this talk of loss has made me think of, and appreciate, what I do have. My wonderful husband, Charlie: one of the kindest and gentlest people I know. I wouldn't have made it through my darkest days without his steadfast love and support. One or two random events in the last few weeks have…

Letting go

What I didn't really go into in my last post was how this miscarriage was different from my previous ones (they have all been very different), my waters actually broke with this one. Which I don't think is uncommon, but it did have the effect of feeling more like the process of labour. And that's…

Elephant in the room

So the actual physical part of the miscarriage started on it's own last week. Which is a relief, I didn't want to have to interfere with the process that was already underway. But, once things really got going and the reality hit home - "this is really happening" - suddenly, the elephant in the room…