Pregnancy after loss, after loss, after loss

Pregnancy after loss. It's all over the place. People talking about it, wanting to know how to deal with it...by 'it' I mean the fear. The hashtag PAL is everywhere, there was even a whole day in dedication to it only last week. I get it. It's the hope mixed with fear that these pregnancies…

Motherhood?

What does this mean? What shape does it take? What are our ideas of it before we attain it? How does it change once we have? Are you only a mother to living children? These are some of the questions I ask of myself, quite a lot! Some I have found answers to, others are…

Reflections

Taking a look at the photo gallery I posted on New Year's Eve, I realised how many of the photo's have Luna as their subject. This is really heartening to see, she is a part of our family and we are thinking of her always. Which means we are taking her with us everywhere and…

Life-long project

Charlie had bought and read the book Grief is the thing with Feathers ages ago...I gave it a wide berth! I find it difficult to read things like this, they pick at the scab of my grief. However, our good friend has worked on the theater production of this book and we have booked to…

What’s important

All this talk of loss has made me think of, and appreciate, what I do have. My wonderful husband, Charlie: one of the kindest and gentlest people I know. I wouldn't have made it through my darkest days without his steadfast love and support. One or two random events in the last few weeks have…

Letting go

What I didn't really go into in my last post was how this miscarriage was different from my previous ones (they have all been very different), my waters actually broke with this one. Which I don't think is uncommon, but it did have the effect of feeling more like the process of labour. And that's…

Elephant in the room

So the actual physical part of the miscarriage started on it's own last week. Which is a relief, I didn't want to have to interfere with the process that was already underway. But, once things really got going and the reality hit home - "this is really happening" - suddenly, the elephant in the room…

Disaster

One of the main reasons why I started this blog was because of our experience of losing a baby last year. It broke me as a person. I've had my fair share of loss, both my parents are now dead. My father died of cancer when I was 20 and my mother of cancer when…