What’s ‘normal’?

When it comes to miscarriage and baby loss, 'normal' takes on some very different forms and unexpected turns. I was taking a look at old photo’s the other day and I came across the ones taken nearly three years ago while we were in Canada for my brother’s wedding. There’s some lovely photo’s and I…

Wisdom of Mum – Part 3

My mum's blog has been pulling me to it again in the last few weeks. I haven't sat down to look at it until this afternoon though. I'm learning to listen to these 'pulls'. I go through her book (I turned her blog into a book) and take my time. Sometimes I know within a…

A conversation of death with a 5 year old

For a five year old, Benjamin is pretty clued up about death and grief. Just over two years ago, his baby sister, Luna, died. Since that moment - actually, even before we knew she was definitely going to die, he was a part of the story. Both of my parents have died, Dad when I…

Motherhood?

What does this mean? What shape does it take? What are our ideas of it before we attain it? How does it change once we have? Are you only a mother to living children? These are some of the questions I ask of myself, quite a lot! Some I have found answers to, others are…

Remembering Luna: A funeral for a baby

After last week's article, I really wanted to look at my memories of Luna more closely. I have already written about what happened to her in the article titled T.O.P but I wanted to write about her funeral. The anniversary for this is approaching and it's been on my mind a lot lately. All that we…

When dad died

A friend of mine sent me a link to Cariad Lloyd's podcast, Griefcast, the other week. I would highly recommend it to anyone who is either a part of this weird club (Cariad's words, not mine!) or is possibly supporting someone who is in the club. I've put a link at the end of this…

Wisdom of Mum – Part 2

I was browsing my mum's blog again and found this entry, it feels very apt at the moment. I also had a dream last night about a necklace of hers, I put it on as soon as I got out of bed this morning. I suppose I'm feeling her presence more closely at the moment…

But…why?

I don't know...because biology is a bastard and nature doesn't care about my feelings? That's what I have felt like saying after I have had to explain to people that I have had yet another miscarriage, or told them about how many I've had. There's an assumption that there must be a problem, something wrong…

At the pool

Watching you jump and splash So happy! So joyous and full of life. Diving and twisting and leaping Like a dolphin. Racing with daddy, who will get there first? Benjamin! Daddy's a good sport.

T.O.P

That's what I saw typed on my notes as I was sat across from the Registrar. She was talking to me about my latest missed miscarriage, what my options were, what they could do for me, etc... T.O.P. It took me a moment to figure out what this meant, and then I realised: Termination of…